In an instant, their lives changed. Jane recalls; “When the treatment plan is about managing (and hopefully slowing) re-growth of the tumour rather than curing it, then your world shifts in to a very different place. Time slows right down and loses its every day boundaries; if you’re lucky, you find you can settle into the moment. You discover how many new ‘normals’ you can adjust to when you have no choice, and much more often than you think, there are good times along the way.”

Creating precious memories close to home

In April this year, Mark and Jane celebrated their daughter Lizzie’s wedding, by this point Mark’s condition had deteriorated badly, but he was determined to be there. “We worried that we would all be too emotional to really enjoy ourselves but we couldn’t have been more wrong. We walked to Church and we walked to the pub for the reception – never more than a hundred yards from our front door. Lizzie chose all shades of green with daisies and sunflowers and the sun shone. By the time of the wedding, Mark wasn’t well at all but his famous one-liners and his dry humour never left him – he was able to respond to the question in Church, ‘Who gives this woman to be wed?’ with a very firm, ‘I do’.

Although Mark and I had to return home from the reception in the late afternoon, we opened all the doors and windows so we could hear the music and laughter from the pub across the field behind us. The party went on well into the evening – it was such a beautiful and joyful day. Nottinghamshire Hospice arranged for overnight support the night before and the night of the wedding, which meant we could sleep soundly and absolutely make the most of every moment of the day.”

Support and reassurance: care that keeps families together right to the end

When Mark reached the point where he needed full-time care, Nottinghamshire Hospice stepped in to provide overnight support, which meant that Mark was able to stay at home. Jane recalls; “he remained in the midst of the family and the normal comings and goings of the home, which made this final stage feel as natural at it could be. I was worried that after Mark’s death our home would have been ‘spoilt’, but, for us, Mark’s presence within our daily lives continues – his absence is heart breaking but home feels more natural than we expected.”

“In Mark’s last days, Nottinghamshire Hospice were able to provide support each night until the end came. The nurses who came out were truly kind, professional and supportive. Their aim is to support the whole family and they always left us feeling that they care – they made a huge difference.”

“More often than not, I found that I was barely hanging on and extremely emotional. Our almost daily phone contacts with the Hospice team were always reassuring. Just knowing that overnight cover was a possibility provided a massive sense of relief. We are, and will always be, profoundly grateful for the quiet, sensitive and practical support that we received.”

Help us Bring Care Home to more families in Nottinghamshire.

Mark was able to remain at home, surrounded by family, because the right care was there when it mattered most. By supporting our Bring Care Home campaign, you can help ensure more families across Nottinghamshire have the same choice. Donate here.